“Focus on your strengths, what comes naturally to you and what you really love to do.”
 
        Someone said this to me in a dream once of all places a looooong time ago. Was it my psyche? God? Or something else giving me this wisdom that still plays in my head 15 years later? I don't know and it doesn't matter. But it is a concept I have struggled with for most of my life. Always trying to do so much, compromising on myself and what I really want, and often forcing myself to do things that have just made me perpetually depressed and overwhelmed because it seemed like the "practical" or "smart" thing to do. That is until now.
        This summer has been a HUGE season for me- personally, creatively and professionally. I changed day jobs- took on not just one but TWO jobs to train to run retail stores. I did this because- and I hate to admit this- deep down I didn’t believe I was good enough to run a business on my own. Which is very important for me to feel competent in as I’m technically building two at the same time. 1.) the Affirmations Gift Shop: an online store full of positive, life affirming merchandise to encourage people and help them heal from emotional abuse “one product and post at a time” and 2.) Femmespire Media: this multimedia company you are currently reading the blog from.
         In addition to all of this, I Tiffany Grand, am an author, songwriter, and playwright with my own brand to build and creative passion projects to work on.
        Needless to say, I’ve had a lot on my plate and it’s been hard to focus. So sadly, many things got put on the backburner in order to keep a steady paycheck coming in. Media companies aren’t as lucrative as one might think (at least not YET). But writing and encouraging people through the arts is my passion so I keep coming back to it.
         This past week I had spent a great deal of time trying to record some songs to go along with one of the books we’ll be publishing through Femmespire Media “Better Late Than Never”. I was super excited and motivated to get the EP done and finally tie up the last odds and ends so we could officially release this book once and for all.
         But nothing really went how I planned. The mandolin I recorded didn’t sound right, the drums were too tingy, and my vocals- well let’s just say I’m rarely if ever happy with vocal takes. After a few days of getting frustrated and feeling discouraged, I decided to (at least temporarily) pack the recording gear back up and get back to working on the project I was doing all this for once and for all- the book. Or books, as the case has become.
          And that’s when the quote from my dream all those years prior came flooding back to me yet again.
       
        “Focus on your strengths, what comes naturally to you and what you really love to do.”

          My biggest love has always been writing and encouraging people through the written word. But I also  like business and being in control of a project from beginning to end. However, running stores (online or in person), pushy sales, intricate techie tasks, and performing are not my strengths. I mean I’m more competent at it than many people, but they’re not my first loves and Lord knows there are MANY other people in the world who ARE gifted in these areas more than me. So, I really need to start leaving these other tasks to other people and stop feeling like I must do EVERYTHING MYSELF all the time.
          All this comparison, head decisions, and forcing myself to do certain things (like the new day jobs running other people’s stores) has just made me miserable. I suffered a great deal of depression and shed a lot of tears this summer because of it. You can read the blog post I wrote about it titled “Saying No to Head Decisions: and Other Things I’m Still Learning in My 30’s” here.
          Summer isn’t even completely over yet and I have already left both of those jobs behind. I’ve had to be honest with them and myself. I don’t want to run someone else’s business or sell products just for the sake of making money. I want to do something with meaning and purpose that hopefully encourages and inspires people to live their best lives as well. I want something that feeds my soul and makes me feel like my authentic self.  Someone I don't have to apologize for or feel compelled to compare to anyone else. 
          In other words, I want to WRITE books, and plays, and other kinds of media that I can think of to convey a positive message. And I want to publish and promote other writers and creatives with similar visions. This is all I have ever really wanted throughout my life. This was the original vision of Femmespire Media before I got all lost and paranoid believing I wasn't good enough for the purpose I had in my heart. But as most of us do when we are in the mist of adulthood looking at bills we have to pay, I ignored it in favor of a more “steady paycheck”. Even if it meant my soul felt like it was dying most of the time.
         All things I actively encourage others NOT to do on a nearly daily basis.
          Yuck. What a hypocrite. I can’t believe myself.
          But I am finally learning my lessons. Better late than never, right? 
         So now, Femmespire Media is officially evolving into a multimedia PUBLISHING company. Emphasis on publishing. I have two books of my own that I will be releasing first: “Better Late Than Never” and “Dancing in the End Zone” coming early this fall. And then I will be focusing on publishing an anthology of encouraging non-fiction essays (on a specific theme to be announced shortly) by various other talented authors. So, stay tuned for all of that.
         Leaving my jobs this summer, accepting my weaknesses, and finally deciding to focus on just writing and publishing which are my biggest strengths and passion- has been very liberating for me. I already feel so much lighter emotionally and more inspired to get things done.
          But this new change of focus also means there will be a lot of “housekeeping” that needs to be done. We will be revamping and rebranding Femmespire Media on our social media channels and the website. So, it’s going to look very different very soon. But don’t worry, we will still keep sharing great, positive content. And I will be busy with my head buried in my computer writing and editing these upcoming book releases. I CANNOT WAIT to share them with you.
       It’s a little embarrassing to share some of my journey with you and the head decisions I have been living in for far too long. I’ve always been a big preacher on “living authentically” “following your heart” and “confidently pursuing your dreams” when I have struggled with doing it consistently myself. But no more!
        The year 2021 was HUGE for me and the business(es) I’ve been trying to build. I’ve made excuses, believed lies, and put the REAL dreams of my heart on the back burner for way too long. I mean, I just realized today that I hadn’t written a blog post for Femmespire Media in over a year!
         Yikes. No Bueno.
         So, things have GOT to change. I mean, they will and they are. Just please be patient with me on this journey.
         Please check back with us on our website and on social media soon for updates on the new books coming very, very soon. You WILL NOT regret it.
          Don’t be like me and waste most of your life making head decisions and not living your own truth. “Focus on your strengths, what comes naturally to you and what you really love to do”  from now on. You will be happier you did.

       Today at Femmespire Media we are focused on designing new inspirational shirt ideas that we will sell online and then donate a portion of the proceeds to a non-profit organization that helps women. In my research to see how many other companies have done a similar design to what we're imagining I came across a great organization called Live a Great Story.
      "LIVE A GREAT STORY is a diverse community focused on inspiring each other to craft our own journey and create a meaningful impact. We highlight inspiring stories, foster connection through engaging events, and sell Reminder products that spark inspiration." That's the description they give themselves on their website. They are also collaborating with a group called Car Window Poetry that tries to encourage people by creating and leaving short, uplifting poems on- you guessed it- random people's car windows. They believe that words matter and that small acts of love can make a big difference in people's lives. And we agree!
        I couldn't be more excited. I love finding other companies and people who are doing positive, inspiring and life affirming things that help people. That's what we are trying to do through Femmespire Media. If you know of other organizations or people who are doing great, inspiring work you can share it with us by emailing us at FemmespireMedia@gmail.com or Tweet it to us @femmespire media. Happy Friday!

​          Broadway musicals. They are a magical experience of song, dance, glittery costumes, lights and energy. They have the ability to lift you up when you’re down, empower you to dream big, reach for the stars, and remind you to never give up. So that’s what this is. A list of the best songs from Broadway musicals that will help kick you out of your complacency and encourage you to pursue the best life possible. It’s time to get inspired.

1. “No More Wasted Time” – If/Then: The Musical  
         
​          A song reminding you to stop looking back and living in regret. You only get one life, so don’t waste any more of it not living authentically and to the fullest.

4. “Seize the Day” – The Newsies 

          A good reminder to seize the opportunity, not be afraid and stand up to your giants in life. You are fully capable, especially when you have friends on your side. 
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5. “When I Climb to the Top of Mount Rock” – School of Rock 

          Another good one to empower you to keep pursuing your dreams and prove all the naysayers and doubters wrong. 
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6. “Man Up” – The Book of Mormon 

           Man up reminds us to own up to our mistakes and take charge of our lives once and for all. No more being complacent and just following the crowd. When we become the hero of our own lives, great things happen. 
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8. “Let it Go” – Frozen 

          This song might have gotten annoying from being played everywhere when it first came out, but the message is great. Whenever you’re having a bad day, people are pissing you off and you just want to say F@!K everybody, put this on your playlist and just Let it Go…
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10. “Tomorrow” – Annie 

          Now, who doesn’t brighten up when they hear this song? An oldie but a classic anthem that reminds you your problems are only temporary and to not lose hope. Today might feel like the sky is falling on you, but the sun will come out tomorrow if you don’t give up. 
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​            The first and most important step to creating the life you want is to know who you are. And I mean who you really are, deep inside. Not the version of yourself you hope to one day become, not who you used to be or how your abusive ex made you feel, and not who your mother or best friend or boss or anyone else says you are. Who YOU REALLY ARE. Deep inside. In your heart. That broken, occasionally knocked down, emotionally scarred, weak, and completely unqualified for whatever huge dream you secretly harbor in your heart of hearts version of you. That part you hate about yourself. The parts you love about yourself and wish the world could see. All of it.  
            But that ugly part that you hope and pray no one will see, and spend your entire life trying to hide, change and improve. That is the part you have to embrace. To find who you truly are, you have to be vulnerable. You have to be honest and real. It might be painful at times, but it will always end up being worth it.
 
               Now the flipside to this, and the next important step to creating the life you want, is to accept who you’re not. This one is probably the hardest for most people. At least it was for me.
              I spent my whole life trying to be good at things, to fix what I was weak at, often to the point of literal kicking and screaming in anger and frustration when it wasn’t going how I planned. I wasted so much time comparing myself to other people- my friends, my family members, everyone - I hated myself a bit inside for a very long time.
                  But I never would have admit that to anyone. It was a soft spot for me.
            After all, I grew up in a family I felt like I could never please. Who, especially in my teens and younger years, constantly criticized, insulted, and made me feel worthless and unlovable. It didn’t matter how good I was, or what I did, they would always find that ONE mistake or flaw and focus solely on that. I ultimately developed a people pleasing, fear of rejection, and perfectionism problem, in addition to massive anxiety issues. Which I will cover later.
               I learned to never be content with myself or anything I did or didn’t do. I would just dwell and beat myself up over every little thing I did wrong or didn’t do “right”. It was TORTURE. Mental and emotional torture. 
                 I admit I still struggle with this a lot. But I’ve finally learned to accept who I’m not. In fact, I’m at a point now where I embrace it. It’s very liberating.
               For instance, in the summer of 2018 I finally left my low paying, high stress job at a printing company and started working as the Social Media Marketing Manager for a non profit in New York. I applied for the position initially thinking it was a general office administrative position where I would also manage their social media accounts. But then came to find out that there was a political element to it. Raising money, political lobbying.. all things I hate.
              But you know what, I didn’t lie and say I could do it just to get the job (something I would have done in the past because I couldn’t admit failure) That would have been a nightmare. No. I owned up to my weaknesses and confidently shared my strengths and what I had to offer as a unique individual.
              I admitted I was terrible at cold calling and hated the idea of telefundraising, and that I didn’t know squat about politics (although I’m always down to learn) but what I was experienced and passionate about was media and marketing. I’m a content creator, with an overactive creative mind, and a passion for promoting organizations with missions I care about. I told her about my own budding socially conscious multimedia publishing company Femmespire Media, and how all the tactics I use on that could be applied to their company and then some. I was very enthusiastic and confident in this side to say the least. But most importantly, I didn’t shy away from exposing my weaknesses. And it worked out. Now I work a flexible marketing job, creating and promoting meaningful content, for a boss who values my strengths, doesn’t chastise me for my weaknesses, and pays me better than any other job I've ever had. All while I work on finishing this book and build my own media empire.
                Will it always be easy? No. Will I be working at this other company forever? Hell no, I plan to someday make a living with my business. But one thing is for certain, I am steps closer to creating the life I want. One that I am satisfied with RIGHT NOW. One that I can be PROUD to call my own. Because now I know who I am and accept who I’m not.
             And you can too. It just might take some soul searching, an open mind, and a willingness to let go of the lies you might have been programmed to believe about yourself throughout your life. And I want to help you. But you CAN get there. I have faith in you.