Broken Bones, Temporary Setbacks and an Attitude Change: A Sort-Of Thanksgiving Post

            It’s that time of year again- Thanksgiving- a time where we as a society aim to promote a sense of gratitude and positivity. Which I personally LOVE, but I’m all too aware is easier said than done most days.
            Like for me, this year is particularly difficult as I suffered a personal set-back. Yes, exactly a week before what has traditionally been one of my favorite holidays- I broke my ankle and tore a ligament or something in my foot. This has left me unable to walk without assistance and in a great deal of pain.
            In the first few days after my accident, I admit that there were periods that I felt like I literally wanted to die because it hurt so bad to do literally anything that utilized my feet (especially on the day I had to trek out to my local Urgent Care to get that initial X-Ray). I would sweat and hyperventilate and ultimately end up crying because of the intense pain that would shoot up through my heal and ankle.
            It sucked…and I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on anyone.
            Because of the uncontrollable pain, I couldn’t think clearly and just laid around on my couch all day long (because it was closest to my bathroom). I wouldn’t allow myself to eat or drink barely anything for fear of having to get up and struggle in agony just to use the toilet.
            That might be TMI, but it’s true.
            Thankfully, after spending days basically lathering up my foot with Arnica gel for pain/swelling/bruising and keeping my foot mostly wrapped up and stabilized in a walking boot- I am finally experiencing some relief and don’t feel like a miserable, agonized mess.
            Although I’m still not ready to go back to my day job yet.
           
            But I’ll take that as a WIN.
           
            And just in time for Thanksgiving.
           
            Although sadly, I am in no position to go ANYWHERE for the holiday and am still stuck resting at home-I’m trying to focus on this situation as a positive improvement.
           
            And I’m GRATEFUL for that.
           
            I might be a baby when it comes to pain, but when you don’t experience ANY relief after taking multiple pain relievers and literally want to die because of it, that pain becomes mentally all-consuming.
            So now I’m taking this time of being “home-bound” to at least attempt to focus on other goals. I aim to write more articles like this one for Femmespire Magazine and finally finish editing my next upcoming book, “Your Mental Health Sucks! (But Your Life Doesn’t Have to)”. I hope to encourage people going through unforeseen setbacks that this is only TEMPORARY and not the end all be all (although I understand how it can feel like that sometimes when you’re in the peak of your rough patch).
            I know it’s easier said than done sometimes, but the happiness of our life is determined by the quality of our thoughts. But you, just like myself, must remember that just because we might struggle today or any day, doesn’t mean it will be like that forever. It also doesn’t mean you are “too weak” to turn things around, are less than for your struggles, or are doomed to suffer forever.
            This rough patch is only TEMPORARY.
            We have to remember that shit does happen in life that is out of our control, but that it can and will make us stronger and more grateful if we are self-aware and forgiving of ourselves.
            Like I never thought I would be so grateful to walk myself to the bathroom, or be able to walk enough through my apartment without crying to at least sleep in my own bed instead of on the couch than I do right now. I’m also blessed to work for great people that haven’t made me feel shame for being out of work with this injury (and sadly yes, I had a manager over a decade ago that I loved dearly who literally yelled at me for having to call out because I was in a motorcycle accident that messed up my knees- no Bueno).
            Yes, I am blessed to have a fiancé, sister and mother who are willing to help me during my recovery and future-in-laws who check in on me and my healing daily.
            Ironically, before this accident, I was struggling with feeling like ANYONE other than my partner gave a shit about me. Because of my background of emotional and verbal abuse, I struggled (almost obsessively) with my fear of rejection and people pleasing. I felt like everyone was a little bit mad at me ALL THE TIME and that I could never do anything right or please anyone.
            I would spend a great deal of time making sure my hair and makeup were as close to perfect all the time as possible. So you can imagine that going out to the Urgent Care, in debilitating pain would really test that reserve.
            I mean, I won’t lie, even when I felt like I was dying, my insecurity and anxieties inside made me still try to fix my hair and put some makeup on so I wouldn’t LOOK like as much of a mess as I felt inside. But that was a waste of energy. By the end of my doctor’s visit, I was literally sweating profusely from the pain, and my face was white as a ghost. I mean, I wasn’t technically SICK, but you wouldn’t know. I felt like absolute shit and didn’t have the physical, mental, or emotional energy to fight it.
            But, thank God, it didn’t stay like that.
            And I had to remind myself of that regularly. As I am someone who has historically battled depression and anxiety throughout my life this was certainly a challenge.
            But it's happening- even if it's only baby steps certain days.
            So, I want to encourage you, if you are going through something (no matter what it is), I want to encourage you that you are not alone and you are not less than anyone because you struggle. Please know that it will get better eventually and you are oh so very loved- especially on those days you feel like you’re a literal broken mess and not able to walk another step.
           You're not alone and it's gonna be OK.

           So, what  are you grateful for? What setbacks have you experienced in your life but eventually overcame (no matter how slowly)? Share with us in the comments.