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It’s that time of year again- Thanksgiving- a time where we as a society aim to promote a sense of gratitude and positivity. Which I personally LOVE, but I’m all too aware is easier said than done most days. Like for me, this year is particularly difficult as I suffered a personal set-back. Yes, exactly a week before what has traditionally been one of my favorite holidays- I broke my ankle and tore a ligament or something in my foot. This has left me unable to walk without assistance and in a great deal of pain. In the first few days after my accident, I admit that there were periods that I felt like I literally wanted to die because it hurt so bad to do literally anything that utilized my feet (especially on the day I had to trek out to my local Urgent Care to get that initial X-Ray). I would sweat and hyperventilate and ultimately end up crying because of the intense pain that would shoot up through my heal and ankle. It sucked…and I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on anyone. Because of the uncontrollable pain, I couldn’t think clearly and just laid around on my couch all day long (because it was closest to my bathroom). I wouldn’t allow myself to eat or drink barely anything for fear of having to get up and struggle in agony just to use the toilet. That might be TMI, but it’s true. Thankfully, after spending days basically lathering up my foot with Arnica gel for pain/swelling/bruising and keeping my foot mostly wrapped up and stabilized in a walking boot- I am finally experiencing some relief and don’t feel like a miserable, agonized mess. Although I’m still not ready to go back to my day job yet. But I’ll take that as a WIN. And just in time for Thanksgiving. Although sadly, I am in no position to go ANYWHERE for the holiday and am still stuck resting at home-I’m trying to focus on this situation as a positive improvement. And I’m GRATEFUL for that. I might be a baby when it comes to pain, but when you don’t experience ANY relief after taking multiple pain relievers and literally want to die because of it, that pain becomes mentally all-consuming. So now I’m taking this time of being “home-bound” to at least attempt to focus on other goals. I aim to write more articles like this one for Femmespire Magazine and finally finish editing my next upcoming book, “Your Mental Health Sucks! (But Your Life Doesn’t Have to)”. I hope to encourage people going through unforeseen setbacks that this is only TEMPORARY and not the end all be all (although I understand how it can feel like that sometimes when you’re in the peak of your rough patch). I know it’s easier said than done sometimes, but the happiness of our life is determined by the quality of our thoughts. But you, just like myself, must remember that just because we might struggle today or any day, doesn’t mean it will be like that forever. It also doesn’t mean you are “too weak” to turn things around, are less than for your struggles, or are doomed to suffer forever. This rough patch is only TEMPORARY. We have to remember that shit does happen in life that is out of our control, but that it can and will make us stronger and more grateful if we are self-aware and forgiving of ourselves. Like I never thought I would be so grateful to walk myself to the bathroom, or be able to walk enough through my apartment without crying to at least sleep in my own bed instead of on the couch than I do right now. I’m also blessed to work for great people that haven’t made me feel shame for being out of work with this injury (and sadly yes, I had a manager over a decade ago that I loved dearly who literally yelled at me for having to call out because I was in a motorcycle accident that messed up my knees- no Bueno). Yes, I am blessed to have a fiancé, sister and mother who are willing to help me during my recovery and future-in-laws who check in on me and my healing daily. Ironically, before this accident, I was struggling with feeling like ANYONE other than my partner gave a shit about me. Because of my background of emotional and verbal abuse, I struggled (almost obsessively) with my fear of rejection and people pleasing. I felt like everyone was a little bit mad at me ALL THE TIME and that I could never do anything right or please anyone. I would spend a great deal of time making sure my hair and makeup were as close to perfect all the time as possible. So you can imagine that going out to the Urgent Care, in debilitating pain would really test that reserve. I mean, I won’t lie, even when I felt like I was dying, my insecurity and anxieties inside made me still try to fix my hair and put some makeup on so I wouldn’t LOOK like as much of a mess as I felt inside. But that was a waste of energy. By the end of my doctor’s visit, I was literally sweating profusely from the pain, and my face was white as a ghost. I mean, I wasn’t technically SICK, but you wouldn’t know. I felt like absolute shit and didn’t have the physical, mental, or emotional energy to fight it. But, thank God, it didn’t stay like that. And I had to remind myself of that regularly. As I am someone who has historically battled depression and anxiety throughout my life this was certainly a challenge. But it's happening- even if it's only baby steps certain days. So, I want to encourage you, if you are going through something (no matter what it is), I want to encourage you that you are not alone and you are not less than anyone because you struggle. Please know that it will get better eventually and you are oh so very loved- especially on those days you feel like you’re a literal broken mess and not able to walk another step. You're not alone and it's gonna be OK. So, what are you grateful for? What setbacks have you experienced in your life but eventually overcame (no matter how slowly)? Share with us in the comments. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Regret can be a powerful force, haunting us with thoughts of what could have been. But the truth is, it's never too late to make a change and create a life that you're proud of. In this article, we will explore how to let go of regret and empower yourself to create the life you truly desire.
How Can You Encourage Yourself to Let Go of Regret? Embrace Self-Compassion and Forgiveness It's important to remember that we are only human, and everyone makes mistakes. Instead of beating yourself up over past choices, practice self-compassion and forgive yourself. Acknowledge that you did the best you could at the time with the knowledge and resources you had. By being kind to yourself, you can begin to release the burden of regret. Focus on the Present and Future Regret often keeps us stuck in the past, preventing us from fully embracing the present or envisioning a brighter future. Shift your focus from dwelling on what could have been to what can still be. Start by setting new goals and working towards them. When you have a clear vision for the future, it becomes easier to let go of regret and move forward. Seek Support from Others Sometimes, letting go of regret requires the support of others. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or even seek professional help if needed. Sharing your feelings can provide a fresh perspective and help you gain the strength and encouragement to let go of regret. Empowering Yourself to Create the Life You Want: Embrace a Growth Mindset A growth mindset is the belief that your abilities and skills can be developed through dedication and hard work. By adopting a growth mindset, you empower yourself to believe that you can create the life you want, regardless of past regrets. Embrace challenges, learn from failures, and see setbacks as opportunities for growth. Take Action and Embrace Change Creating the life you want requires taking action and embracing change. It's easy to get stuck in a cycle of regret, but without action, nothing will change. Identify what changes you need to make and start taking small steps towards them. Remember, it's the small consistent actions that lead to significant transformation. Cultivate Positive Habits and Mindset Your habits and mindset play a significant role in creating the life you're proud of. Cultivate positive habits that align with your goals and values. Practice gratitude, affirmations, and visualization to shift your mindset towards positivity and abundance. Surround yourself with like-minded individuals who inspire and uplift you. Is It Really Better Late Than Never? Absolutely! Embrace Your Journey While it's natural to wish we could do our life over again, it's crucial to embrace the journey we've been on. Each experience, even the regrets, has shaped us into who we are today. Understand that it's never too late to make a positive change and create a life that aligns with your authentic self. Embrace the wisdom and lessons you've gained along the way. Start Where You Are No matter where you are in life, it's never too late to start creating the life you want. Don't waste time dwelling on the past or comparing yourself to others. Focus on your strengths, passions, and values. Take one step at a time, and before you know it, you'll be on the path to a life you're proud of. Letting go of regret is a powerful step towards creating a life you're proud of. Embrace self-compassion, focus on the present and future, and seek support when needed. Empower yourself with a growth mindset, take action, and cultivate positive habits and mindset. Remember, it's never too late to start, so start where you are and begin creating the life you truly desire. Most importantly, never forget: it's better late than never! The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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So, if you haven’t noticed through my posts for Femmespire Media, I am very passionate about encouraging and empowering people through positive messages, media, inspirational quotes, and magazine articles. But I’ve also had to admit to myself that I am terrible at encouraging myself. I mean TER-RI-BLE. They always say we are our own worst critics… or our own worst enemies. Now, I don’t know who these “they” are, but they’re right. At least for me. Blame it on my negative, overly-critical upbringing, an abusive past romantic relationship, or negative messages in the media- but I’ve had to admit to myself that I am WEAK. I try to encourage other people and promote positive messages to others in my daily life and my business endeavors, but I am guilty of talking a lot of SHIT to and ABOUT myself. I call myself stupid, ugly, a cow, a fat ass, a loser, failure, a fuck up, and any other number of derogatory names nearly daily. And if by some miracle I had a day where I didn’t speak these horrible things to myself, I was probably just too tired or battling my own mental health issues to care that day. All things I would NEVER dream to say to anyone else. And if by some horrible accident I did speak something negative or discouraging to another person, I undoubtedly would suffer massive guilt and regret for hours if not literal DAYS. And I would be beating myself up with more insults and personal trash talk, nearly constantly, until I somehow finally let it go. But then again, I’ve never actually let anything go. It just creeps up and haunts me at other random times in my life, and then I get all weird and shut down for a while until I finally fess up to it and hope that my sharing of it takes the power it has over me away once and for all. Ugh, if that sounds long and emotionally exhausting it’s because it is. No wonder I’m tired nearly every hour of the day. So, yes, that’s why I need to learn to take my own advice- and hopefully help other people learn from my mistakes. We have to learn to speak more positively to and about ourselves. No one, or at least most people, are not going to do that for us. Hell, most of the time we probably don’t even let other people get to know the REAL us enough to enable them to say something genuinely positive about us on our behalf. I know I struggle with that. That’s why it’s important for us to become our own cheerleaders in life. It’s not selfish or having an ego. It’s called having self-respect and self-love- and it’s easier said than done sometimes. Especially if you’re one of those unlucky, but sadly not-too-uncommon souls who didn’t come from those loving, emotionally supportive homes that you would see on kids shows. You know those shows. The ones where TV dads would say to their kids’ stuff like “you can do anything you set your mind to, if you just try/believe.” Or, “Just be yourself, everyone will love you.” No, I didn’t get that. And I suspect a lot of other people who are adults now didn’t get it either. So it’s important that we learn from the past and become willing to change our wrong pre-programmed thinking. If not for us and our own personal well-being and progress, then for the younger generations after us. We don’t need a “TV Dad” to tell us we are lovable, capable, and destined for greatness. But we do need to tell OURSELVES and EVENTUALLY learn to believe it. I think that’s what life is all about. Learning to love and accept ourselves in a world that might try to convince us otherwise, that we are good enough, lovable enough, and deserving of enough the way we are, where we are, and how we are- RIGHT NOW. Roman Emperor and Philosopher Marcus Aurelius said it well, “The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” And I couldn’t agree more. What we think about becomes bigger in our minds. So if we have a negative self-talk, constantly discouraging ourselves and thinking the worst- well, that’s probably what’s going to manifest in our lives. At least initially. That, or we’ll be too distracted with the negative assumptions to appreciate or notice the positive aspects with ourselves, our situation, or those around us to even enjoy the good stuff in our lives to begin with. I know first-hand, because I struggle with this nearly daily. Or maybe it is technically daily, but I’m at least TRYING to be less hard on myself and not focus on every little thing I do wrong like I have in the past (hey, that’s progress, right?). Anyway, I get it. I know it’s easier said than done. Even if, like me, you came from a family who seemed to speak nothing but negativity and discouragement into you during your younger, formative years. That stuff adds up. Even if no one is personally telling you those discouraging words NOW, it still becomes your own negative internal dialogue- whether you want it to or they actually intended it to or not. Therefore we need to be more forgiving and patient with ourselves…and forgiving of those that have hurt us. Another thing that might be easier said than done, but we need to at least TRY. I read in a post one day that said, “it takes around 70 days to create a new neural pathway. Your soul is healing, give your mind time to catch up.” Now, I don’t know where this came from exactly, but I like the sentiment. It’s a great reminder. Emotional healing and personal growth are a process. Potentially a long, painful process. But we CAN get there. So be patient with yourself, forgive yourself for the years of wrong thinking/living/believing and make that decision TODAY to at least TRY to be better. The wounds and events that caused you to develop these wrong, negative thought patterns that have held you back for too long didn’t happen overnight. So you shouldn’t beat yourself up if you can’t change, let go, progress and heal quickly either. As I say in one of my spoken-word poems “Affirmations Poem: I Am Enough”, “…I am a diamond in the rough I am worthy, I am deserving, I am whole, and I am HEALING I am lovable the way I am I am lovable Just because I am here…” And you are too. Don’t forget that. The way we speak to ourselves and the words we hold onto in our lives can make all the difference. You are lovable, you are deserving, you are whole, and you are healing…just because you are here. Whether anyone else sees you or not, or tells you or not. But if you want to live your best life possible, you have to learn to start believing it. You might be a diamond in the rough, but you CAN get there. Let’s just try to be more mindful of our words, OK? I know, I need to be too. What you speak enough times you eventually manifest in your life. So let’s speak the right things. It’s better late than never to get there. - Contributed by, Tiffany Grand www.TiffanyGrandMedia.com @TiffanyGMedia @FemmespireMedia The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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They say we believe the words we say to and about ourselves more than anyone else. And that the hurtful words said to us in our childhood can become our own negative inner dialogue. But just because we THINK something, or even someone else thinks something about us doesn’t make it true. But the belief in the criticism can still do so much damage to our feelings of self-worth if we’re not careful. Children often believe what they are told, especially if it’s from a trusted adult like a parent or teacher. So, if you were told as a child that you were stupid, ugly, worthless, unlovable- or just made to feel that way by their unintended actions- it can have long lasting effects on us well into adulthood. What negative words have you listened to and believed about yourself? What do you ruminate on and replay over and over in your head? Is it positive, life-affirming, and helping you live your best life possible? Or does it tear you down, hurt your heart, and make you increasingly insecure, fearful, or vulnerable? Have you ever even thought about the words you speak to and about yourself? Well, I have been considering it a lot lately and I’ve realized how it has impacted nearly every day and every action of my life. I am nowhere near where I want to be in my life and I can see very clearly how my damaged thought life has been the culprit holding me back. But no more! Or at least it’s time to finally start taking my own advice. I don’t know about you, but I have too much I want to do with my life, so it’s time to tell the negative party in my head to shut the f*** up! If you struggle with low self-esteem, shame, or feelings of worthlessness. then it’s time to flip the script. Reprogram your mental computer. Speak positive, encouraging, life-affirming messages to yourself to counteract all the hurtful and discouraging words that have been spoken over you in your past. Make a list and tape it to your bathroom mirror, or keep it in your purse, and read it and re-read it over and over until you believe it. Declare love and acceptance over yourself. You are valuable and worthy the way you are right now, brokenness and all. But you don’t have to remain broken and haunted by deep rooted pain any longer. Your healing won’t happen overnight. You had probably spent years, maybe even decades rehashing past hurts and opening old wounds, so it’s safe to accept that it will take some time to break the old habits and rewire your thought patterns. But you can do it. Every moment that you feel tempted to beat yourself up or criticize yourself but speak positivity into yourself instead is a step closer to healing. Forgive yourself for believing lies. You are only human after all. But don’t let someone else’s words control you any longer. The old adage “hurting people, hurt people” is true. Most likely, the people who hurt you in your life did it because they were struggling with their own pain and rejection issues. They’ve believed negative, discouraging things about themselves (probably told to them by someone else) and were just perpetuating the cycle. Intentionally or unintentionally, it doesn’t matter. The point is it happened and it’s time to change it. The Bible refers to this as generational curses. Which I may elaborate on at a later date. Either way, it’s time to break the cycle. Confess to God of your deep rooted, secret wounds and allow him to heal you. To renew your mind and transform your life and finally live the life you were created for. But don’t be afraid to put in the work. Make those lists, speak those life-affirming words. Fight back the negative, critical voice in your head with love, forgiveness, self-acceptance, and encouragement. Because you are lovable, you are worthy, you are capable of great things and you WILL be healed. One positive, life-affirming word at time. SAMPLE AFFIRMATIONS · I AM enough. · I AM worthy of love and to give love. · I forgive myself for my past. · I AM at peace with my life and my choices. · I like and approve of myself. · I AM whole and I AM healing from emotional wounds of the past. · Doors are about to open for me that have been closed previously. · I AM confident in my strengths and abilities. · I have the ability to achieve my goals. · I AM the creator of my best life. · My self-worth does not depend on what other people think of me. · I AM becoming a better person everyday. ******** - Contributed by, Tiffany Grand www.TiffanyGrandMedia.com @TiffanyGMedia @FemmespireMedia The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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11/27/2024
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