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So, if you haven’t noticed through my posts for Femmespire Media, I am very passionate about encouraging and empowering people through positive messages, media, inspirational quotes, and magazine articles. But I’ve also had to admit to myself that I am terrible at encouraging myself.
I mean TER-RI-BLE.
They always say we are our own worst critics… or our own worst enemies. Now, I don’t know who these “they” are, but they’re right. At least for me.
Blame it on my negative, overly-critical upbringing, an abusive past romantic relationship, or negative messages in the media- but I’ve had to admit to myself that I am WEAK. I try to encourage other people and promote positive messages to others in my daily life and my business endeavors, but I am guilty of talking a lot of SHIT to and ABOUT myself.
I call myself stupid, ugly, a cow, a fat ass, a loser, failure, a fuck up, and any other number of derogatory names nearly daily. And if by some miracle I had a day where I didn’t speak these horrible things to myself, I was probably just too tired or battling my own mental health issues to care that day.
All things I would NEVER dream to say to anyone else. And if by some horrible accident I did speak something negative or discouraging to another person, I undoubtedly would suffer massive guilt and regret for hours if not literal DAYS. And I would be beating myself up with more insults and personal trash talk, nearly constantly, until I somehow finally let it go.
But then again, I’ve never actually let anything go. It just creeps up and haunts me at other random times in my life, and then I get all weird and shut down for a while until I finally fess up to it and hope that my sharing of it takes the power it has over me away once and for all.
Ugh, if that sounds long and emotionally exhausting it’s because it is. No wonder I’m tired nearly every hour of the day.
So, yes, that’s why I need to learn to take my own advice- and hopefully help other people learn from my mistakes.
We have to learn to speak more positively to and about ourselves. No one, or at least most people, are not going to do that for us. Hell, most of the time we probably don’t even let other people get to know the REAL us enough to enable them to say something genuinely positive about us on our behalf. I know I struggle with that. That’s why it’s important for us to become our own cheerleaders in life.
It’s not selfish or having an ego. It’s called having self-respect and self-love- and it’s easier said than done sometimes. Especially if you’re one of those unlucky, but sadly not-too-uncommon souls who didn’t come from those loving, emotionally supportive homes that you would see on kids shows.
You know those shows. The ones where TV dads would say to their kids’ stuff like “you can do anything you set your mind to, if you just try/believe.” Or, “Just be yourself, everyone will love you.”
No, I didn’t get that. And I suspect a lot of other people who are adults now didn’t get it either. So it’s important that we learn from the past and become willing to change our wrong pre-programmed thinking.
If not for us and our own personal well-being and progress, then for the younger generations after us.
We don’t need a “TV Dad” to tell us we are lovable, capable, and destined for greatness. But we do need to tell OURSELVES and EVENTUALLY learn to believe it. I think that’s what life is all about. Learning to love and accept ourselves in a world that might try to convince us otherwise, that we are good enough, lovable enough, and deserving of enough the way we are, where we are, and how we are- RIGHT NOW.
Roman Emperor and Philosopher Marcus Aurelius said it well, “The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” And I couldn’t agree more.
What we think about becomes bigger in our minds. So if we have a negative self-talk, constantly discouraging ourselves and thinking the worst- well, that’s probably what’s going to manifest in our lives. At least initially.
That, or we’ll be too distracted with the negative assumptions to appreciate or notice the positive aspects with ourselves, our situation, or those around us to even enjoy the good stuff in our lives to begin with.
I know first-hand, because I struggle with this nearly daily. Or maybe it is technically daily, but I’m at least TRYING to be less hard on myself and not focus on every little thing I do wrong like I have in the past (hey, that’s progress, right?).
Anyway, I get it. I know it’s easier said than done. Even if, like me, you came from a family who seemed to speak nothing but negativity and discouragement into you during your younger, formative years. That stuff adds up. Even if no one is personally telling you those discouraging words NOW, it still becomes your own negative internal dialogue- whether you want it to or they actually intended it to or not.
Therefore we need to be more forgiving and patient with ourselves…and forgiving of those that have hurt us. Another thing that might be easier said than done, but we need to at least TRY.
I read in a post one day that said, “it takes around 70 days to create a new neural pathway. Your soul is healing, give your mind time to catch up.” Now, I don’t know where this came from exactly, but I like the sentiment. It’s a great reminder.
Emotional healing and personal growth are a process. Potentially a long, painful process. But we CAN get there. So be patient with yourself, forgive yourself for the years of wrong thinking/living/believing and make that decision TODAY to at least TRY to be better.
The wounds and events that caused you to develop these wrong, negative thought patterns that have held you back for too long didn’t happen overnight. So you shouldn’t beat yourself up if you can’t change, let go, progress and heal quickly either.
As I say in one of my spoken-word poems “Affirmations Poem: I Am Enough”,
“…I am a diamond in the rough
I am worthy, I am deserving,
I am whole, and I am HEALING
I am lovable the way I am
I am lovable
I am here…”
And you are too. Don’t forget that. The way we speak to ourselves and the words we hold onto in our lives can make all the difference.
You are lovable, you are deserving, you are whole, and you are healing…just because you are here. Whether anyone else sees you or not, or tells you or not. But if you want to live your best life possible, you have to learn to start believing it.
You might be a diamond in the rough, but you CAN get there. Let’s just try to be more mindful of our words, OK? I know, I need to be too. What you speak enough times you eventually manifest in your life. So let’s speak the right things. It’s better late than never to get there.
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